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This summer I had an impulse to try and paint seriously - I guess I was nostalgic for the simple idea of being an artist who spent a long time in his studio working hard on a set of paintings. And so I gave myself twenty days to try it out - work by day to deliver food, and work the rest of the time on painting. I like painting because as opposed to the drawing I do, you can always paint over something you’ve done before, a concept which is still relatively new to me. With drawing I’d try to accept all strokes and accidents as intrinsic parts of the bigger picture by changing the drawing as I’d go along to accommodate those accidents. However, with painting you can always “correct” something you did as though it never happened. So I wondered what that would do to my way of working and how it would change the process, which is why I decided to document the stages of the painting as I worked on it. Especially in this painting, the process was quite difficult and at times completely demoralising - constantly being unsatisfied with the result and always wanting to change it. Other times being extremely happy with it only to hate it the next day. There were around twenty stages to this painting, only ten of which I could post together on instagram. It was a process of constantly searching, unfortunately I had no clue what I was searching for or no end goal in my mind, just the idealistic notion that I wanted to make a good painting. After the dramatic change that took at the end, the painting is hanging on my wall but I’m still not satisfied with it at all, and I don’t know if I’ll ever continue with it. It took so much out of me without any visible improvement or satisfaction. But then again, maybe its destiny is not to become a concrete image, but to stay in a perpetual motion - constantly morphing and transforming into this or that, archiving its history in invisible layers between the surface and the canvas. Or is that just an excuse ? #whatislife #sufferingartist

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